Sword Queen meditation

Survived a duel tonight; Sword Queen versus Grail Queen. This Grail Queen took a little bruising from the Sword Queen but held her own.
Lessons learned;

• remember the spaces, DO breathe
• fair share of the conversation, but DON´T be bullied
• DO allow equal validaty to both individuals AND DO challenge anything that conflicts with my views.
• DO know when it is appropriate and necessary to call on a friend that can help me AND DO accept that in asking for help I am effectively dumping my problem on them.
• DO remember to show appreciation but DO NOT be effusive as, in a true friendship, these things have a way of balancing out.

Lesson 9 - Sword Knight, Four and Five

What lays trapped within me?
MY SENSE OF ADVENTURE!!
I WANT TO TRAVEL, GO TO OLD PLACES, GO BACK TO INDIA, BUT ALSO TO TRAVEL EUROPE. WE HAVE THAT BLOODY CAMPER, WE HAVE TO GET IT FIXED AND UP TO SCRATCH. RIGHT NOW, I WOULD RATHER BE IN THAT UNRELIABLE VEHICLE HAVING FUN WITH S, THAN BE STUCK HERE AT THE QUINTA LIVING A LIFE THAT I MAY WANT ALL RIGHT BUT WHICH I AM PATENTLY NOT SUITED TO.
INSTEAD OF BEING HERE, SAT IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, FANTASISING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES ADVENTURES, I SHOULD BE LIVING MY OWN ADVENTURE TO THE FULL. I THINK I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH S. AND FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. I VALUE THE "BAD" EXPERIENCES I HAVE HAD WITH HIM EQUALLY TO THE GOOD ONES. THEY HAVE ALL HAD A GREAT VALUE AS LEARNING EXPERIENCES - THE HARD WAY (LIKE THE TOWER PERHAPS). OH, THIS FEELS MORE LIKE BEING ADMONISHED BY THE SWORD QUEEN THAN THE SWORD KNIGHT. HER SHARP TOUNGUE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR RUNNING FROM THE QUEST I.E. LIFE, INCLUDING ALL THE MESSY ADVENTURES THAT MAKE IT UP. LIKE SWORD FIVE - WHEN WE RUN FROM OUR QUEST, OUR PERSONAL ADVENTURE STORY, THEN WE RISK GETTING BURNED AND LOOSING EVERYTHING WE SOUGHT MOST TO HANG ON TO.

Lesson 11 - Sword Queen, 6 & 7 - Questions

This is the Sword Queen I felt drawn to work with today - Cosmic Tribe. I was thinking of the rules I accept in my life and this card inspires me to consider "rules" as a gift, rather than a restriction on my life.

I am dancing about a bit in the Hallowquest course, although keeping withing the Sword Realm. Lacking the discipline to follow the course sequencially, so instead I am just going with the flow. Here are my answers to Sword Queen´s questions, 1-4:

1. What training do you most need to be effective in your life? I need a facilitator; Chi Kung, Tai Chi, 5 rythems - even swimming. Someone to encourage me to overcome this physical block.
2. How would you describe yourself to others? Right now, I would say I was quite messed-up. My self-esteem is low. Too much unfinished "stuff" around me.
3. Are you a defensive or forthright person? Again, being asked dright in this moment, I find myself to be very defensive.
4. What is passing away from your life right now? Youth - drive, enthusiasm, energy, health.

What a depressing and downbeat set of answers to these questions. Not very happy with myself at the moment.

Closing affirmation