Wednesday 31 March 2010
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Monday 29 March 2010
Lesson 7 Meditation - Sword Maiden, Sword Two and Sword Three
I step into the sword realm and wander up the path from the sword castle, over the hills until I come upon the Sword Maiden. I am amazed she is so young – only about 10 or 11 I guess. She is absorbed in her handiwork and I sit on a nearby stone and watch her for a while. For one so young, she is not easily distracted and sits without fidgiting – unlike me! Her work is very fine and detailed. After some 15 minutes, she sets down her work and smiles at me. I can tell she knows all about me, which she confirms by showing me the scabbard she is weaving. It contains scenes from my life – every time I was faced with a major decision, she has recorded it and the outcome.
I ask her why I feel so fearful, and what I can do about it. She tells me that some fear is useful. "It warns us when we are in danger or are about to step into something hard to handle." "Yes" she continues, "yet you must not let fear rule your life. You know you have things you should be doing to move your quest forward and you are afraid to do them because it encroaches on what you think is more important to you. Yet it is avoidance. It you are to continue to walk your path with S, you must be prepared to dedicate your time to the needs of you both. In other words, it´s time tnow to accept that you are a bit selfish! You feel that what you have to do is harder than what he has to do, but that is not a fair appraisal. When you hit a barrier or wall of bricks, you must knock them down one by one – and keep at it – one try is not enough. Remember, to eat an elephant, you must make it into elephant burgers to eat one at a time." I don´t really like to hear this; it makes me uncomfortable but I sit and think about it for a while, before I am ready to move on.
The Sword Maiden gives me a strand of her hair – a deep, flaxen gold. She says to tie it around my finger to remind me to keep going and not give in to weakness when my fears arise. She leads me on down the path until we come to a valley with woodland on either side. She tells me that this is the battleground between the big, strong trolls with little brains, selfishly guarding their right to “do their own thing” and the tiny little dwarves, who know how to work fearlessly and cooperatively but don´t have the strength to pull it off. Both of these “enemies” are doing battle inside my mind.
The Sword Maiden bids me goodbye and I thank her thoughtfully. I can hear the trolls in the tall pinewood grumbling about not having enough time to do just what they want, when they want. I´m also aware of the dwarves in the deep, dark oakwood, saying things like, "If only she would isten to us, we could help her get things done, but we´re so tiny she doesn´t take any notice."
Under my feet the path is slippery and muddy. I am on dodgy ground if I don´t take action to get those trolls in order and help out the dwarves. I see an adder by the side of the path. I am reminded that I have “snake totem” within me and that snake can help me transmute – shedding my old worn-out scales and revealing a beautiful, shiny, supple skin. I ask adder what guidance he can give me. He says that I should slip into a new skin everytime I feel weak and small and need strength. He means that I should prepare myself for any difficult task I have to do, by getting into the right frame of mind and putting myself in order i.e. get smart and tidy, clear the decks, have everything to hand and “go for it”.
I walk onward reflectively until the landscape changes to rocks and ravines. I hear some falling rocks ahead on the path and I can see them tumbling from the broken bridge ahead. I don´t want to go on to the Bridge of Loss. I feel I´ve let go of enough in the recent changes of the last few years and I feel like giving up. What will happen when I cross over? I know that once I leave something behind there is no way back to how things were – that for every loss of concession, there are both gains and deficits. I remember Susan Jeffer´s “no lose decision” model in “Feel The Fear” and know I must “go for it”. I stand on the bridge and look down into the ravine. This is the time my knees go weak. I can feel my strength leave me and I am like jelly. I fall to my knees on the bridge and I crouch there for seemingly ages; almost hoping the whole thing would go, taking me with it and putting an end to my worries.
I ask her why I feel so fearful, and what I can do about it. She tells me that some fear is useful. "It warns us when we are in danger or are about to step into something hard to handle." "Yes" she continues, "yet you must not let fear rule your life. You know you have things you should be doing to move your quest forward and you are afraid to do them because it encroaches on what you think is more important to you. Yet it is avoidance. It you are to continue to walk your path with S, you must be prepared to dedicate your time to the needs of you both. In other words, it´s time tnow to accept that you are a bit selfish! You feel that what you have to do is harder than what he has to do, but that is not a fair appraisal. When you hit a barrier or wall of bricks, you must knock them down one by one – and keep at it – one try is not enough. Remember, to eat an elephant, you must make it into elephant burgers to eat one at a time." I don´t really like to hear this; it makes me uncomfortable but I sit and think about it for a while, before I am ready to move on.
The Sword Maiden gives me a strand of her hair – a deep, flaxen gold. She says to tie it around my finger to remind me to keep going and not give in to weakness when my fears arise. She leads me on down the path until we come to a valley with woodland on either side. She tells me that this is the battleground between the big, strong trolls with little brains, selfishly guarding their right to “do their own thing” and the tiny little dwarves, who know how to work fearlessly and cooperatively but don´t have the strength to pull it off. Both of these “enemies” are doing battle inside my mind.
The Sword Maiden bids me goodbye and I thank her thoughtfully. I can hear the trolls in the tall pinewood grumbling about not having enough time to do just what they want, when they want. I´m also aware of the dwarves in the deep, dark oakwood, saying things like, "If only she would isten to us, we could help her get things done, but we´re so tiny she doesn´t take any notice."
Under my feet the path is slippery and muddy. I am on dodgy ground if I don´t take action to get those trolls in order and help out the dwarves. I see an adder by the side of the path. I am reminded that I have “snake totem” within me and that snake can help me transmute – shedding my old worn-out scales and revealing a beautiful, shiny, supple skin. I ask adder what guidance he can give me. He says that I should slip into a new skin everytime I feel weak and small and need strength. He means that I should prepare myself for any difficult task I have to do, by getting into the right frame of mind and putting myself in order i.e. get smart and tidy, clear the decks, have everything to hand and “go for it”.
I walk onward reflectively until the landscape changes to rocks and ravines. I hear some falling rocks ahead on the path and I can see them tumbling from the broken bridge ahead. I don´t want to go on to the Bridge of Loss. I feel I´ve let go of enough in the recent changes of the last few years and I feel like giving up. What will happen when I cross over? I know that once I leave something behind there is no way back to how things were – that for every loss of concession, there are both gains and deficits. I remember Susan Jeffer´s “no lose decision” model in “Feel The Fear” and know I must “go for it”. I stand on the bridge and look down into the ravine. This is the time my knees go weak. I can feel my strength leave me and I am like jelly. I fall to my knees on the bridge and I crouch there for seemingly ages; almost hoping the whole thing would go, taking me with it and putting an end to my worries.
Evenually, I regain control of my breathing and begin to pull myself up. I have something in my hand I must let go of. It´s a scrap of paper, screwed up. I open it. It says “This fear does not serve you well – let it go!”. I screw up the paper again and throw it into the ravine, still taking care not to step too close to the edge. Well, it was just a bit of paper, yet somehow it must have been heavy baggage because I feel somewhat lightened of heart and ready to press on.
I turn back in to the rain in “my world” and step back from the Otherworld into this. I ground myself to the and thank the Sword Maiden again for being my guide.
Sunday 28 March 2010
Saturday 27 March 2010
Friday 26 March 2010
Lesson 6 Questions - The Realm of the Sword
Felt inspired to have a go at answering these questions today using the "cut -up" technique. I was quite pleased with the results.
Thursday 25 March 2010
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Thoughts on The Lady Of The Lake
There was the Lady of the Boom Festival, especially 2006, when I felt moved by a session with French shamanic healer, to fall back naked into the warm and welcoming waters of Idanha Lake.
It took some courage too for me to walk the wobbly bridge across the deep waters.Then there was the Lady of Dark, encountered at the Bagni Vecchi specifically, the Grotta Sudatoria at the ski resort of Bormio, Italy.
This would have been sometime in the early 90s. The combination of the heat of the water, the dark of the cave, the proximity of the cave walls and the echoes of voices in the cavern, made this a very profound encounter.Going back further, to a Cornish childhood, there were the misty waters of Dozmary Pool, calling to me at the end of 20 mile walk that resulted in the loss of my big toe nails.
Tuesday 23 March 2010
Monday 22 March 2010
Lady of the Lake
I love the way this image really leads me into the scene. Quite a sexy LOTL. The mist is what gives this lake realism. I can hear the insects buzzing over the water and the frogs chorus on the banks. This is just before daybreak. Remembering the Hekate, crossroad hour. The image of the woman vanishes in a blinking. The splash of water in the faded halflight.
Sunday 21 March 2010
Thursday 18 March 2010
Sunday 14 March 2010
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Monday 8 March 2010
Back to Work
It´s more than 8 years since I received my Arthurian Hallowquest tarot. Approaching Spring Equinox each year, I get the urge to start the course book over. This means, potentially going ove some of my exercises a second or more times. I have decided that I will prepeat erercises if either; i) the previous output is now longer relevant or, ii) the work was slipshod, hasty or embarresing.
Starting today, right at the very beginning; (page 18), I drew 10 minor arcana to mark out the inner and outer landscape for my renewal of the Quest.
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